I’m going back.
Staring at the paper in my
hands, all is dark around me except
this one fact.
I’m going back.
Did I choose this?
Do I want this?
My sister grins, wide and knowledgeable
as if this choice will define
the joy of my future.
I don’t think I meant to choose this.
But how could she know? For her
it is home and light and safety, nothing
dark in her history.
In the dark of the evening, all
the memories return like shadows and ghosts
slamming through the walls around me
and I have nothing to say to them, so
my eyes are tightly shut as if that will help…
Am I going crazy?
Fighting against things that aren’t even here…
I’m going back.
There is no choice now, not anymore. Only
the plane tickets in my hand
and the excitement of my friends
and the look in my sister’s eyes
when she tells me she is glad.
I think, I tell her carefully,
I think I’d rather die.
by Ghanaperu