depression

Plane Ticket News

I’m going back.
Staring at the paper in my 
hands, all is dark around me except
this one fact.
I’m going back.

Did I choose this?
Do I want this?
My sister grins, wide and knowledgeable
as if this choice will define 
the joy of my future.
I don’t think I meant to choose this.
But how could she know? For her
it is home and light and safety, nothing
dark in her history.

In the dark of the evening, all
the memories return like shadows and ghosts
slamming through the walls around me
and I have nothing to say to them, so
my eyes are tightly shut as if that will help…
Am I going crazy?
Fighting against things that aren’t even here…

I’m going back. 
There is no choice now, not anymore. Only
the plane tickets in my hand
and the excitement of my friends
and the look in my sister’s eyes
when she tells me she is glad.

I think, I tell her carefully,
I think I’d rather die.

by Ghanaperu

By CulTuremiKs, ago

Neutral Room

by Hadassah Grace

Some days I barely feel alive
They ask me how I am
But there’s not much going on inside
So I say I’m fine
I guess I’m alright
Cuz I’m not crying but I’m up all night

And there’s no rain and there’s no sun
And I could never love someone
Cuz all I am is numb
Coming undone
And falling through this neutral room
This neutral room

There’s no ups but there’s no downs
I’m washing all the colors out
And no one comes inside this house the way that they used to
All I am is empty space
But there’s no room inside this place
To let anymore hearts through

I’ll just play it safe in my neutral room

Outside life spins faster
They’re lost in their laughter
And things just keep on moving the way that they do
While I stand still
In this neutral room

And there’s no rain and there’s no sun
And I will never love someone
And there’s no sun and there’s no rain
And I refuse to feel the pain I do
In my neutral room

And there’s no rain and there’s no sun
But I won’t ever lose someone
And I refuse to feel the love I do
In this neutral room

There’s no ups and there’s no downs
This empty house is home for now
Come and pull it down I’m begging you

All I want is out of this neutral room

By CulTuremiKs, ago