To My New Friends (from an MK)

There is not enough time.
There is never enough time
From the moment we meet
I am thinking of the end; maybe
Because I have done this before
I’ve done this too many times before
And every ending is too soon so
There are two choices in response to that truth.
Courage or cowardice, love or fear,
Connection or solitude.
I have never claimed to be courageous,
But I’m trying.
Dear God I’m trying and it’s harder
Than I thought it would be…

There is not going to be enough time
For me to love you in
And the coward in me says don’t try
But the image of God in my soul
Says otherwise.
So I’m trying.

by Ghanaperu

TCK Syndrome

There will be no trace
of me, here
after I have left
The colours of my paintings on the walls
are not stains
the laughter of the memories
won’t stay forever
and everything that ever made this 
space mine
is transportable

I knew enough when I came here 
to plan it this way

So you’re standing at the door
smiling for the hope of a future
but I
can feel the suitcase handle in my fingers
and I don’t remember myself 
anymore

Does that make me
a bad person?
If I have shuttered my mind
and heart and soul,
folded my memories away into dusty boxes
and stacked them in the back
of the attic, is that
weakness?

All I know is
you have never left
like how I have left
and you can’t understand – 
impermanence flows through
my veins as the very blood of my only hope
for survival

So I will smile and wave
at you in the doorway
and gather up my belongings
to carry myself away in

I can never return
because
nothing is ever the same again

by Ghanaperu

Plane Ticket News

I’m going back.
Staring at the paper in my 
hands, all is dark around me except
this one fact.
I’m going back.

Did I choose this?
Do I want this?
My sister grins, wide and knowledgeable
as if this choice will define 
the joy of my future.
I don’t think I meant to choose this.
But how could she know? For her
it is home and light and safety, nothing
dark in her history.

In the dark of the evening, all
the memories return like shadows and ghosts
slamming through the walls around me
and I have nothing to say to them, so
my eyes are tightly shut as if that will help…
Am I going crazy?
Fighting against things that aren’t even here…

I’m going back. 
There is no choice now, not anymore. Only
the plane tickets in my hand
and the excitement of my friends
and the look in my sister’s eyes
when she tells me she is glad.

I think, I tell her carefully,
I think I’d rather die.

by Ghanaperu

(Don’t) Keep Your Distance

I know about this,
this dark stillness illuminated 
only by a single streetlight.
orange glow over everything
and we try
to forget
that we ever cared.

I know about this, 
this quiet loneliness surrounded
by unending pavement.
dotted lines marking the way
to nowhere
just like
every other time before.

But
rewind, lighting fast, 
because this hasn’t happened
yet

Today is the beginning, 
shy smiles across the room
before we know anything
and I want to tell you,
I am a prophet and love
always hurts in the end but please,
please don’t
keep your distance.

by Ghanaperu

Eve Of Bittersweet

I’m leaving my bags packed
just in case I need to run away
but I won’t tell you that – it’s easier
if you never have to know
about impermanent.

The demons sound like prophets 
now, and I’m living out
every word they speak in slow
motion, suitcase handle in my fingers
like a lifeline to freedom.

Do you know what I mean
when I say I don’t want to 
be alone?

I have traveled before
and I am not afraid
of losing myself to it, I’m 
not afraid of drowning in it.
No, it is breathing that
takes all the work; staying
that is so hard for me.

I will tell you a secret.
Sometimes, the airplane seats
feel like home, and I don’t 
want to ever leave them, sometimes
you aren’t worth unpacking my 
bags for and I’m not sorry, sometimes
I think drowning
would be easier.

You’re yelling, yelling 
that my life is not my own
that there is a value on it
and I’m wasting the currency, 
my life is not my own and I must
keep my hands off it.

Do you know what I mean
when I say I don’t want to
be alone?

Except
I don’t say it.

by Ghanaperu

TCK World

 http://www.tckworld.com/

“The Official Home of Dr. Ruth Hill Useem, who first coined the term
‘Third Culture Kids’.

Get access to resources including four articles:

1. Third Culture Kids: Focus of Major Study — TCK “mother” pens history of field.

2. TCKs Four Times More Likely to Earn Bachelor’s Degrees.

3. TCKs Experience Prolonged Adolescence.

4. ATCKs have problems relating to their own ethnic groups.

5. ATCKs maintain a global dimensions throughout their lives.

If this is your first visit, know that this website is the largest site on the internet with its particular mission of maintaining Dr. Ruth H. Useem’s research on Third Culture Kids.”